Can We Really Forgive and Forget?

The answer is yes, but....

Photo by Gus Moretta on Unsplash

When you’ve offended someone, you may wonder if your action feels like a stab wound to them.

Maybe you missed a deadline, forgot an appointment, or made someone else a priority (instead of them).

It’s understandable. An offense can feel like a betrayal. Your intentions, while misguided, were good. You hope they’ll forgive and forget. After all, that’s what you would do in their shoes, right?

And you really, honestly didn’t mean to hurt them.

It’s Easy to Forgive. Forgetting? Not so much.

Forgiving is the easy part. You simply choose to let the matter go. You decide you won’t spend any more time dwelling on it.

That sounds a lot like forgetting, doesn’t it?

But what if there is still some residual pain left over? If you’ve connected that hurt with them, it’s hard to move past it. Forgetting means you move on. It starts by limiting how long you think about it. In time, you cover the memory with other priorities. By focusing on other things, you free yourself to find joy again.

That doesn’t mean you won’t set some boundaries. For example, if the offense was business related, you might choose not to work with them again. It’s a form of agreeing to disagree, shaking hands, and remaining civil. You avoid future offenses by eliminating the chance they’ll happen again.

Apologize and Hope for the Best

You can ask for forgiveness and promise to do better. However, you can’t make the other person accept your offer. What all these things have in common is this: when you see a fire blazing and you want it to go out, you don’t pour gas on it.

In the end, it’s impossible to never break someone’s trust. Understand that forgiveness must include the offense and the pain in order for them to forget. Then you’ll ask for the right amount of forgiveness and be more likely to get it.

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